Mass Symphony
by bluekrishna
Summary: What if Shepard had another talent that life and circumstance stole from her. The development of Garrus and Shepard's relationship in ME1, drifts a little into the beginning of ME2. All Garrus POV, with lots of feels and angsty drama stuff. Just hints of sexy times in this one, no pornzors. Maybe in the second arc. Disclaimer: I own not a whit of this.
1. Chapter 1

Mass Symphony

Chapter 1:

"Garrus."

"Hmmm...yes, Commander?" He turned to look at her where she sat near the front of the Mako, arms crossed over her chest, seemingly asleep with her head resting on the tank's hull. Her eyes were tiny slits, irises glittering under her unruly mop of auburn curls.

"What is that you're humming?"

"Does it bother you, Commander? I can stop..." His words trailed off as an unfamiliar expression flickers across her usually impassive face. _Damn, I wish i knew more about human expressions...is humming somehow offensive to humans?_

"No, please don't. It's actually quite...soothing." She resettled herself against the bulkhead, regarding him with a frankness that unsettled him.

Garrus cleared his throat, feeling uneasy. Not since he first met her has he been the focus of her complete and utter attention. But gone was the calculation, the cold assessment of that first meeting. Just a sort of tight, intimidating focus. Her face was locked in an inscrutable mask. Rubbing the back of his neck, he tried to defuse the tension, drawling, "Well, if you want me to sing you a lullaby, I can."

_Is she actually smiling?_ There was the tiniest of curling at the corners of her mouth as she settled back once more, green eyes shutting. Garrus wondered if she knew how uncomfortable she made him.

"Commander, we're almost there." Kaiden's face popped around the divider between driver's seat and troop compartment.

"I should let you drive more often, Alenko. Almost caught a little nap, the ride was so smooth." Garrus suppressed a snort as the Lieutenant's face broke into a smile. Kaiden's eyes returned to the road. Her praise came so rarely that Alenko latched onto it with the enthusiasm of a varren snapping up scraps.

Shepard stood, swaying easily with the Mako as it rumbled over the terrain. Garrus returned to wiping his rifle down with an oiled rag. From the moment he saw her at the base of those stairs on the Citadel, he knew this mission would be the best thing to ever happen to him, or the worst.

Commander Shepard had integrated him quickly into her crew, despite the fact that most of the humans aboard the Normandy still gave him a wide berth. Well, all the nonhumans aboard, really. Wrex, Tali, Liara and he usually hung out below decks to avoid any problems.

Efficiently and seeming without effort, she put them in roles where all their abilities overlapped seamlessly. So seamlessly, that the others on her ground crews never needed to second guess her direction when the bullets started to fly. But there were things, small details that niggled at him, made him hesitate more than once on the battlefield. And the one time he'd openly questioned her, she shut him down with a few pointed words and ordered him to comply. And being the turian that he was, he had obeyed, despite his misgivings.

What had bothered him most about that encounter was the utter lack of reaction. Garrus remembered clearly what invoking the wrath of his other CO's had done, KP being the least of his worries. But no, her voice had not raised above its steady monotone, her eyes had not glared. She merely stated what he was going to do. And he'd done it. That was all. And they'd survived, though he didn't know if it was her ability or just luck.

Slowly, he became aware of a soft sound, he strained to hear it above the thunder of the Mako. Shepard was humming.

It was the tune he was humming not a moment ago. Well, mostly. It had a complexity that was lacking in the simple melody he had produced. But it was definitely the same song, a song his mother used to hum before the sickness took away her voice. It was, well, eerie, how she was able to reproduce the song so quickly. He was sure he'd only been absentmindedly humming it for maybe two minutes.

An orange glow lit Shepard's features as she fiddled with her omnitool, suddenly engrossed in some task. His curiosity was piqued, but he stayed silent, sure that asking a simple question like 'What are you doing?' would bring that terrible regard around to bear on him again. All her fearsome concentration focused intently on the little screen. He didn't know what to make of it, only that awe and terror were a little mixed up in his head in regards to Shepard.

As he watched her, he started to notice a definite softening around her eyes. He hadn't realized that impassive could be a facial expression that could be held like that, almost tensely, until now. It was alarming to see a little flush creep across her cheeks. A fierce little light shone in her eyes as she relentlessly pecked at the keys on her omnitool.

Garrus was fascinated, his eyepiece was telling him that her pulse was elevated. Whatever she was doing, she was attacking it like he'd seen her attack so many enemies in the last few weeks while they were chasing Saren across the traverse.

She swung around to him and his guts just about dropped into his feet as her cold and diffident mask split open, her mouth a perfect little 'O'. All reason fled her eyes, nothing there but pure, mad _exultation._

One frozen moment and it was gone, her face as cold and impersonal as before. He wondered for a moment whether he'd actually seen it at all. Only the evidence of her still racing heartbeat on his visor saved him from an embarrassing existential dilemma.

_Spirits! What was that?_ They stared at each other across the compartment, neither willing to break the silence. The rag, forgotten in his hand, drifted slowly to the floor. Garrus' head spun as he tried to make some kind of sense out of what he just witnessed. _That wasn't...sanity, I just saw there._

Her eyes flicked away first, to the small window in the side of the Mako, "Get ready."

Only then did he notice a tremor in the ground that had nothing to do with the terrain's rockiness , "What is it?"

There was that light again in her eyes. He forced himself to hold steady in the face of it. Lips pressed in a grim line, she said, "Thresher maw."

An earsplitting shriek filled the air as the monster burst from the ground a few feet behind them. Kaiden's voice followed nearly as piercingly, "HOLY FUCK!"

"Move over, Lieutenant. Vakarian, on the gun." Shepard slid behind the wheel, her calm words washing over them, galvanizing them into action.

"Acid! Starboard!" Alenko's voice rang out as he scooted behind the missile launcher, cranking it around to face the thresher maw. Shepard veered to the left sharply, turning completely around. Now they were driving_ towards_ the behemoth.

Garrus almost panicked until he saw that the Commander's seemingly haphazard driving made them nearly impossible for the thresher maw to hit. Glob after glob of acid failed to hit them. _Not a deathwish, then._

"Commander, sometimes I think you have a deathwish!" Alenko shouted, nearly echoing the turian's thoughts.

"S'matter, LT. Too pretty to die?" she said, as though they weren't plowing headlong towards a thousand foot worm.

"Gun's starting to overheat, Commander." Garrus tried to reflect her calm back at her, though he was anything but. Kaiden shot him an incredulous look.

"Give me two missiles right down its throat, Alenko. You have ten seconds." With that, she veered port again, lining the Mako up with a rocky spur of mountain jutting away from them over the plain.

Garrus groaned as he saw what she was about to do, gave up on the overheated gun, dropped down and strapped himself into the closest seat. He heard the lieutenant shout triumphantly as the two missiles fell right on target. The shout turned into a rather undignified squawk as the tank lurched sickeningly into the air.

Through the starboard hatch, Garrus watched amazed as Commander Shepard leaned out of the Mako's door, shotgun leading. His imagination painted an insane tableau inside his head, denied by a mental shout of, _Surely, she wasn't going to pepper that beast with a SHOTGUN!_

His perception of time slowed as he watched her offhand flick a grenade almost lazily into the thresher maw's gullet, her finger tighten on the Hurricane's trigger-

* * *

"BLAM! BOOOOOOOOM!" Kaiden's hands gestured wildly at the climax of his story, his eyes shining from adrenaline and possibly the meds. There were bandages around his bare chest and shoulder from being flung around the Mako's turret. It amused Garrus to see the crew gathered at the Lieutenant's feet, as though he were proselytizing to the masses.

Garrus leaned against the mess hall wall, arms crossed in front of his chest. He grimaced as he recalled how the resulting explosion had spun the Mako midair, rolling the tank gently until it landed upside down on the plain's floor, skidding to a halt in the dirt.

The confusing aftermath, prying himself out of the inverted seat, vaguely hearing Alenko being violently ill somewhere outside the tank. Shaking the last bit of dizziness out of his head, he looked toward the cab. No sign of Shepard.

"Commander?" He called, biting back the sudden wave of nausea that rolled over him. He didn't smell blood, well only his own anyway. A few cuts and bruises aside, it was starting to worry him that he got no answer.

"Comma-" He cut off as she came strolling around the nose of the tank, hands loosely clasped behind her back. Her eyes alighted on him, flickering with some unknowable emotion though her face remained serene.

"Garrus." Her voice was low, devoid of inflection. She drew closer and Garrus fought the urge to step back, recalling the madness she seemed possessed by moments before the thresher maw attacked.

She was really close to him now, alarmingly so. He nearly jumped out of his skin when she laid a hand on his shoulder. Something close to consternation came into her eyes, "This will not be an easy ride...for any of us. I can't have my crew not trust my judgement if this mission has any hope of succeeding."

"Can you explain what-"

"No." She cut him off, hand slicing through the air between them. Her eyes closed for a moment, a faint crease appeared between her brows, "Someday, maybe. Is that enough?"

He paused, watching her, thinking about what the consequences might be if he said no. He didn't think she would kill him on this rock, plus even though he'd only known her for almost two weeks, his gut was telling him that she was worthy of following. Into hell if need be.

Garrus nodded, and she turned away to regard the Mako.

Lost in his own thoughts, he barely heard most of the crew depart for various parts of the ship. Ashley and Kaiden were by the lieutenant's station, she was prying details out of him about how Shepard did this or that, shooting a few envious glances his way.

Rolling his shoulders out and pulling at his armor's cowl to resettle it comfortably, he headed to the elevator, maybe a few hours repairing the wrecked Mako would help him sort out his thoughts and doubts.

He'd just stepped in when he heard a voice yell, "Hold the elevator!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Ashley bounded in next to him, pushing the button for the cargo bay.

As the elevator trundled slowly down, he couldn't help but notice Ashley peering at him sidelong, "Sooo..."

He turned his head to look at her fully, mandibles flicking idly, waiting for her to continue.

"Skipper really did a number on that thresher maw, huh?"

"You could say that, Chief. Never saw anything like it." Awkward silence fell between the pair. He fidgeted, his inner cop pushing him to investigate._ Aw, hell_, "Chief, what do you know about the Commander's past?"

"Why?"

"Just, um, curious. I've never met a more impressive C.O. And, that, today...It was like she takes down thresher maws every day. I just wanted to know if, um, every Alliance commander is trained so.._.thoroughly_."

Ashley laughed, bouncing on the balls of her feet. She ran a hand through her hair as she shook her head, "There's only one Commander Shepard, Vakarian. Thank God. Can you imagine-?"

"The cost in makos alone-" He chuffed out a laugh, mandibles flexing in a grin.

"Naw, Skipper's been around. You ever heard of Akuze?" Garrus nodded and Ashley took a deep breath before continuing, "Scuttlebutt says that even after she lost her troops and got the civilians offworld, she was stuck down there alone for days with those monsters. The rescue team counted alot more than just one thresher maw corpse when they picked her up. Jameson, this LT I knew who was on that crew, said she just came strolling up to the shuttle, not a care in the world. Didn't even have armor on, said it'd got fried the day before.

"I think that even with the Blitz and Mindoir and being one of the youngest N7 grads ever, that right there is what really...solidified her rep as a total badass." Garrus filed those names away for later investigation, not wanting to push too hard and raise any suspicions in the strangely, unusually, gregarious Chief Williams. "And now, she's a Spectre, too. Humanity's moving up in the universe, no small thanks to our Commander."

Now the silence was comfortable. Garrus leaned toward Ashley, voice lowered conspiratorially, "Who's Scuttlebutt?...and why is that so funny?"

"Vakarian, you're alright." She punched him playfully in the shoulder as her guffaws died down. The doors to the lift opened just then, revealing the shuttle bay. Wrex was in his usual spot, fiddling around with some piece of armor, brows lifted as the pair chatted amiably as they made their way to their stations.

Garrus sighed as he took in the mako, the whole right side scorched from the blast. But, really the damage wasn't that bad, mostly cosmetic. One of the doors was too warped to open and shut properly, windshield was cracked._ Spirits, I wonder what the undercarriage looks like..._

He bent down, peering under the vehicle, only to reel back in shock as he came face to face with Commander Shepard. He fell backward, onto his rump, swallowing back a shout. A grease-covered hand shot out and tapped him impatiently on the boot, "Hand me that spanner."

Trying to calm his rapidly beating heart, he passed her the tool she was pointing at. Now that the shock had died down, he saw she was lying on a rolling dolly, elbows deep in the mechanical workings of the tank, "Good to see you and Williams getting along, Garrus."

"Ah, yeah..." He coughed to hide his embarrassment, "Nothing like swapping death defying stories to promote a little comraderie."

"Help me with this gearbox, I need an extra pair of hands."

"Yes, ma'am." He slid in next to her, holding the aforementioned gearbox while she loosened the bolts holding it in place. As it dropped down, they were hit by a short deluge of oil and other fluids. Garrus turned his head to keep it out of his eyes. Some of it got in his mouth, though, and he grimaced, "Well, that just tastes..._awful_."

"Hold it, don't move. There's something-." Garrus tried to crane his neck around the unwieldy part, trying to see what she was fumbling with. "Ah-there it is. Here, let that thing down for a bit and hold this line together."

He felt her grab his hand and lead it to a ripped tube, he placed his thumb over the hole and squeezed to keep any more fluids from leaking out. He heard, rather than saw, her roll out from underneath the mako, heard tools and parts shift around as she picked through them. Moments later, she was back, tapping at his hand to get him to let go of it.

He let go of the gearbox with his other hand and squirmed around so he could see what she was doing. The heavy box rested uncomfortably on his stomach as he watched her try to place the hose clamp around the damaged line. She muttered an oath as the drip increased to a steady stream of slippery fluids, a slight frown of concentration on her face.

Garrus reached up to hold the line in place while she worked and she shot him a grateful look. The clamp slid into place, with a hiss and she got to work ratchetting all the wire brackets back into place. He picked the gearbox up, just supporting it for now as he watched her nimble fingers fly from one loose bolt to another.

This was the first time he'd seen her hands without gloves on, he realized. They seemed incongruously delicate, fingers almost too long in proportion to the breadth of her palms, nails cut down right to the quick. Strange that hands such as these were even capable of the savagery of battle. But then humans always seemed too small and weak to put up much of a fight. Shepard certainly turned that preconception round on its ear.

"Alright, lift it up." Her voice broke into his ruminations as he did what she asked, lining up the parts so they could be bolted back together. He caught her looking at him out of the corner of her eye, her face unreadable, "Wouldn't have figured you for the grease monkey type, Garrus. And yet, I always find you down here working on the mako."

He wasn't sure about the grease monkey part, but he got the gist of what she was saying anyway, "Yeah, well, just trying to be useful. Plus, you don't spend time in the military without learning how to fix your ride. No one likes to be stranded out in the middle of nowhere with a flat tire."

This earned him a small smile as she affixed the last few bolts into place. Softly, she said, "So, still glad you joined my team?"

His head snapped around to look at her, wishing he could read her better, "When I said thank you, I meant it. The last couple weeks I've spent on the Normandy have been...more fulfilling than all my years in C-Sec combined."

She turned her face to him, face utterly impassive, so still that if not for the oil splattered across her nose and hair, she could be a statue. Though, it seemed to him that some tension eased from her shoulders, "I'm...not the...easiest person to work for, I know. Just trust me when I say there are reasons for the...things that you may or may not have seen concerning me."

"I do trust you, Commander..." When did he start trusting her, he wondered briefly at himself, but as soon as he heard himself say those words, he knew them to be true. "Even before I saw you kill a thresher maw with a shotgun."

"Ha. I think it was more the explosives than my little Hurricane. Did you know that a thresher maw's brains are in it's throat?" He looked at her incredulously, "Well, directly adjacent anyway. With luck and timing, you can lobotomize them from the inside. Shame the tank had to suffer for my...unorthodox strategy."

"You mean, you don't do that everyday?" How masterfully she made him relax around her, with just a few words. He speculated for a moment on whether it was artful calculation or not. Even if it was, he couldn't deny his admiration for her growing just a bit. "I thought unorthodox was your by-word, Commander."

"Whatever works, Garrus. Sometimes traditional tactics don't cut it where sheer audacity will." Everything turian in him disagreed with turning aside tradition for recklessness, but her words fed that small part of him that was rebellious, that voice in his head that railed at unnecessary bureaucracy getting in the way of true justice. Honestly, that was the reason he wanted to join her crew in the first place._ Well, that, and the whole stopping Saren thing._ He was such a bad turian. He broke off his musings as she continued talking, her deft hands moving along the bottom of the mako looking for more damage to repair, "Surely you have some stories of your own from your days at C-Sec. Did you see much action?"

"Well," He paused as a random bolt bounced off his head, her hand shot out to catch it before it hit the ground, "Not as much as you, but I've seen some interesting things..."

"I bet you have. Anything in particular that stands out?" She reached past him to place the bolt back into the undercarriage, shoulder briefly pressed into his cowl. He stretched his arm under her to grab the spanner, handing it to her before moving aft a bit to look at the suspension.

"I remember this-" He grunted as he yanked a bit of vegetation, more like a tree branch out from between the steel leafs. The whole thing settled with a bounce above him, knocking him in his chestguard just a bit, rocking to a halt, "Salarian geneticist I was sent to investigate. That case was a bit...disturbing."

"Why were you investigating him?" She hammered at a bit of bent metal, prying it loose, turning it over in her hands before tossing it aside, negligently. He winced at her treatment of what used to be precision equipment.

"I was tasked with tracking black market trade on the Citadel. Most of it's harmless. Nothing I needed to persue." He closed his eyes briefly, recalling, "But during the course of my investigation, I noticed an increase in the sale of body parts. Organs, mostly.

"We usually get a few of those, but not the numbers i was seeing. We weren't sure if there was a new black market lab or some freak was harvesting organs from citizens." Sometime while he was talking, Commander Shepard had crawled back to where he was, wordlessly handing him the wrench he was about to look for. Silence fell between them for a moment as he tightened a tension spring that must have jiggled itself loose during the rough ride.

Finally, she said, "You've seen this before on the Citadel?"

He hummed an affirmative, "Every so often, some lab sells unwanted parts through the black market. But they're not as bad as the psychos."

He looked over to catch a slight twitch at the corner of her eye. _Now, what does that mean? Ugh, I'm bad at this_, "I remember this one elcor diplomat we caught on my first year on the job. He was hacking people up and selling their organs. Had the station in a bit of a panic."

She rolled onto her back, still for now as she absorbed his words. His eyes moved from her to the mako as he looked for cracks or loose bolts, "But this case wasn't as clear cut. Turns out there was more going on than we first realized."

"How did you figure out what was happening?" She gestured towards the wrench, Garrus wiped the grip of it fastidiously with a rag before handing it to her, eyebrow lifting at his odd courtesy, considering her hand was definitely greasier than the wrench. His mandibles stretched out with a touch of chagrin, shrugging a bit. A habit he picked up in his short time among humans.

"First, we got a hold of a sample and ran DNA tests. The thing is, the sample led us to a turian who was still alive and was very convinced that he'd never lost his liver. After a bit of digging, I discovered that this turian worked briefly with Dr. Saleon, the geneticist."

A thunk up where Shepard was at drew his attention. She had her feet braced against the mid-wheel, trying to turn it back into alignment with the rest. She was bent almost double under the vehicle, pulling at the uncooperative tire. He marveled briefly at human flexibility before crawling up to where she was straining. He peered up into the suspension trying to spot the problem before reaching up past her to tug a length of metal free.

The whole thing came unbound suddenly, Shepard flew backwards into him. The back of her head colliding sharply with his nose. He hissed in pain. She turned sharply to face him and he realized that he had an armful of warm and very soft female flesh pulled tightly against him.

"Uh, heheh." He let go of her abruptly, and scooted back to a safe distance. She smiled slightly at his embarrassment. "So, uh, I went to his lab, hoping to find evidence of cloned organ developement. But there was nothing. No salarian hearts, no turian livers, not one krogan testicle."

She rubbed at the back of her head, a crease between her brows, "You're kidding, right? Who would want krogan testicles?"

"Some krogan believe that testicle transplants can increase virility. Counteract the effects of the genophage." It would be humorous, if it weren't so tragic, he thought, "It doesn't work, but that doesn't keep them from buying. Somebody's making a killing out there."

"What did you do about the geneticist?" She grunted as she moved the wheel back into place, nodding that he should pin it in place to keep it from slipping again. Relunctantly, he crammed himself next to her, trying not to be aware of how alien she was. He'd never been accused of xenophobia before, but didn't want to examine why her close softness disturbed him.

He kept talking to distract himself, "I interrogated some of his employees. To see if I could get them to talk."

_She was taking a really long time to adjust the alignment_, he thought, swallowing nervously, "While I was interviewing one of them, I came across something suspicious."

"Yeah. Go on." Her breath ghosted against his fringe, and he shuddered involuntarily. He felt her move back a bit, "Sorry."

"One of my detainees started bleeding profusely during the interview. We patched him up and he got frantic. Freaked out." Shepard stretched past his head again to make a few adjustments to various bolts, he turned his head and almost got a mouthful of her hair. It smelled like...motor oil and some underlying flowery fragrance. Some sort of soap, maybe.

"Turn it left a bit." Complying, Garrus waited for her to move back before continuing his story. She gave the tire a wiggle before making a satisfied noise in her throat. She wiped the perspiration from her forehead with her wrist, smearing oil and grease in a black swathe right across it.

He fought the urge to laugh, mandibles tight against his face. He must have given some sign of his amusement, because she looked at him, brow quirked just a bit. Wordlessly, he handed her a rag and flicked his gaze up to her forehead. The corners of her mouth lifted up as she dutifully wiped at her face, "Soo, I ordered an full exam, to find out what was going on. Our medics found incisions all over his body. Some of them fresh.

"That was our big break. These people weren't just Dr. Saleon's employees, they were test tubes. Walking, living test tubes."

"He was growing parts inside these people?" Her mouth twisted down, just a fraction.

He nodded, kicking the loose tools out from underneath the mako, since they were done with most of the repairs, "Exactly. He cloned their organs right inside their own bodies. Then he harvested them and sold them off. Most of the victims were poor. He'd pay them a small percentage of the sales, but only if the organs were good.

"Sometimes an organ wouldn't grow properly, so he'd just leave it in them. Most of them were a mess, but only on the inside-hidden so nobody could see it." He tried to keep the angry growl out of his words. No matter how many times he'd seen it on the job, it never failed to disgust him how people could treat other people like...things.

Sympathetically, Shepard put her hand on his arm. He didn't realize til then that his fist was clenched. Slowly, he relaxed it as she looked at him shrewdly, "Hope he got what he deserved."

An underlying tone in her voice made him guess that she probably already knew the next part of his story, "That's the worst part, we never caught him."

She waited for him to continue, her eyes solemnly drawing the words from him, "He ran. Blew his lab, grabbed some of his employees, and headed for the nearest space dock. By the time i found out, his ship was already leaving. He threatened to kill his hostages if we tried to stop him."

The words were tumbling out of him now, shame and anger making him hot in his armor, "I ordered Citadel defense to shoot him down, but C-Sec HQ countermanded my order. They were worried about the hostages. Worried about civilian casualties if the ship was destroyed so close to the Citadel. I told them those hostages were dead anyway. He'd just use them to make more organs. But they wouldn't listen..."

Shepard took a deep breath, making a noncommital noise that seemed to indicate that she agreed with his old bosses. He pushed down a spike of anger at her, "Yes, I understand why they didn't. But letting him get away like that...

"All they had to do was disable that ship. Stop him from running. Maybe the hostages die, maybe they don't. But at least we stop the bastard responsible for it all." He ended on nearly a shout. Suddenly, he felt ashamed, talking about it out loud with her made him realize that he was just as willing to sacrifice those people as Dr. Saleon, just to arrest him.

She had closed her eyes in the meantime, softly she said, "If you don't care about the fate of those hostages, then you're no better than he is. You're just a terrorist with a badge."

He rubbed the back of his neck, suppressing a cold shiver at the thought that he'd just raised his voice to his C.O. Sighing, "Yeah. Maybe you're right. It doesn't make it any easier, but I see your point...I just wish I could have stopped him. That's all."

"Do you have any idea what happened to Dr. Saleon?" She peered at him from under a lock of her hair that'd fallen forward onto her face. He just stopped himself from reaching out to move it to the side. He turned the movement into an awkward stretch, rolling onto his back under the mako.

"I send out feelers from time to time, hoping to find something. I thought I'd found him a while back. He'd changed ships and changed his name to Dr. Heart-" He chuffed out a bitter laugh, "His idea of a joke, I guess. I told the military, but they weren't convinced it was him."

He turned his head to look at where she was also lying on her back within arms reach, staring up at the gritty undercarriage, "I got the transponder frequency for his new ship, but I just can't get anyone to check it out."

Suddenly, she rolled out from under the mako, pushing up to her feet fluidly, "I'll check out the coordinates when I have time."

He closed his eyes, a smile stretching his mandibles, "I was hoping you'd say that. But, Commander, take me with you when you go. If it is Saleon, I want to be there when you find him."

"No worries, Garrus. You're stuck on my squad until Alenko's back up to par." He saw her turn on her heel and pause. Rustling fabric told him she was rifling through her many pockets. Suddenly, she reached down and tapped him on the wrist with something long, white and pointy. He reflexively grabbed what she was offering him, bringing it up to where he could see it properly. It was about a foot long, curving gracefully to a point, the inside edge serrated wickedly. Slowly, it dawned on him that this was what pierced the tough rubber tubes under the mako. _A thresher maw...tooth_? Her voice drifted down into his reverie, "A little souvenir. I've known people to make knives out of those."

A heavy rapid series of footsteps was all the warning he got as a heavy weight landed in the mako right above him. The air rushed out of his lungs as his armor collided with the undercarriage of the tank, effectively pinning him under it. Squirm as he might, he couldn't budge. A loud, barking laugh erupted from above. That bloody krogan!

"Wrex! Get your fat ass off me!" He shouted, his armor was starting to creak under the weight.

"I'm just testing your repairs, turian. Making sure the suspension can take some more, heh heh, punishment." With that he bounced a little, driving the axle into the turian's chestguard with every downstroke.

Shepard was walking back towards the elevator, he could just see her around the tires._ Surely, she's not going to leave me under here! Oh she just might at that._

Before his thoughts could turn down that depressing road, he heard her say, warningly, "Wrex."

"Shepard." Replied that wretched krogan, nonchalantly. But he did get up and Garrus wasted no time darting out from under the vehicle, trying not to breathe hard in relief. He leaned one hand against the mako.

Wrex elbowed him hard, a wide grin on his face, "I'm not fat."

Garrus snapped back, "Please, you're your own gravity well."

The krogan guffawed loudly, strutting past Chief Williams, glaring at her, roaring, "Whaddyer looking at?"

"You're just so...plushy." Ashley hid a smile behind her hand, turning around to attend to the armory. Wrex grumbled as he went back to his space.

No one but Garrus saw the mischievous little smile that broke out on Shepard's face as she turned around in the elevator, their gazes locking just as the door shut.

He couldn't believe that he used to think her emotionless and cold. He was pleasantly surprised that she could smile sincerely. It made her less frightening in her intensity. The episode in the mako before it went flying through the air was still a mystery to him. He could only hope that the Alliance had psych evals that weeded out any dangerously unstable persons. Had to, really. They wouldn't hand over a powerful new prototype like the Normandy to just any crazy woman. _Would they?_

He was unsettled by his own ignorance, silently vowing to spend more time around humans and one human in particular to rectify that. Not knowing why why why had always galvanized him to action. He was a cop at heart, despite his lapses in certain procedures and protocols. Made his hands itch to find the puzzle pieces and fit them together so he could see the whole picture.

But first, how did one go about making a knife out of a tooth? He looked at the tooth in his hand curiously. He shook his head, humans are strange. No natural defenses, so they made their own claws and fangs. When would he ever have occasion to use such a thing?

"You look lost, Vakarian." Garrus swung his gaze over to the krogan, who was looking at the thing in his hand with grudging admiration. The turian walked over to the end of the lockers, putting the tooth in Wrex's outstretched hand. One gnarled hand turned it over slowly as the other tested each little ridge for sharpness. A pleased rumble came from Wrex's chest, "Hmm, very fine. Haven't seen one in such good condition in a very long time. Whatcha gonna do with it?"

"Shepard said something about making it into a knife." Garrus mumbled, "But honestly, I don't even know how to do that. Who brings a knife to a gunfight?"

Wrex's eye ridge lifted as he turned his head to focus one baleful red eye on him, his scars standing out in sharp relief on his face. Slowly, he reached down, pulling something from a sheath in his boot, handing it to Garrus wordlessly.

It was old, almost black from age. Smooth from loving care, but each little ridge was still razor sharp. Someone had shaped the base to fit into a handle of twotone wood seamlessly. It was a thresher maw tooth dagger, and now that he saw one in person, he could see the appeal. It implied that you don't fuck with someone who could take down a thresher maw and take a little piece of it to make you even deadlier.

Wrex clapped him on the back, wide and contagious grin on his face as he chuckled evilly, "Oh yeah, you _get_ it. Let's make you a knife."

The two men laughed loudly, making the requisitions sergeant glance around nervously. Ashley shot the two aliens a glare, "Keep it down over there! Some of us have weapons to catalog!"

"You know, Williams, you might almost be cute if you had more scars on that ridiculous flat face of yours!" Wrex shouted back at her. Garrus held his hands up apologetically in the face of her fury. Her face turned very red and she spluttered vehemently. She turned violently and started punching the keys of her terminal with a vengeance. The krogan nudged Garrus in the ribs, leaning in to whisper, "I like that girl. She's got a quad. Hey, do you think Shepard has one of these?"

Handing Wrex his knife back, Garrus gave him a sidelong stare, smiling wickedly, "Pfft. She probably has twenty."

The laughter of both men filled the cargo bay again, much to the displeasure of one Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Many missions later and Garrus was still in Shepard's A-team, even though Kaiden had long since recovered. She seemed to switch out the other slot almost randomly. Only when they were out fighting in the field did he see how shrewdly she chose. It was like she had some kind of preternatural sense for what sort of opposition they were going to face.

It was almost a point of pride how she trusted him to watch her six. And he got to understand her better, her expressions still a little difficult to decipher compared to the other more ebullient humans aboard the Normandy. It's not that her emotions were absent, they were just buried deep, as apparent to the casual observer as deep currents moved the surface of the ocean only slightly. He watched her closely for any more unusual behaviors, though he long since ceased to second-guess any of her decisions, in or out of combat.

He would catch an odd instance here and there from her, sometimes a sound, sometimes a look, never that hellish light in those green eyes that had frightened him so badly. But she seemed to know he was watching, so it was impossible to find out exactly what she was thinking. It would be frustrating if it wasn't so very intriguing.

He huddled in the back of the mako with Liara as Shepard drove them up some bumpy road on frosty Noveria, going towards Peak 15 where Liara's mother, Matriarch Benezia, was sure to be. He was trying to stay warm under his thermal cloak, the synthetic fur on its edge wafting back and forth with each breath he took. Turians_ hate_ the cold, for good reason. There's not a single place on Palaven whose temperature drops to arctic levels, even in winter. He'd heard of some of the colonies being on cooler planets, but his people only populated the tropical and sub-tropical zones there on.

Liara looked really tense over there, near the front. She kept checking her pistol, getting up and pacing, occasionally. Her eyes would stay glued at the navmap for countless minutes, until he was sure her eyes were burning with the lack of blinking, then she'd shake her head and check her pistol again.

He felt for her, he really did. It's gotta be tough being in the shadow of so prominent a parent. He's experienced something like it, his father being placed pretty high in the meritocracy. But he never had to deal with that same parent possibly being a traitor bent on destruction on a galactic scale. He resolved to try to break the ice, heh, so to speak, "You'd think they'd have some kind of heater on this thing, wouldn't you."

"What? Oh...yes, you'd think they would." Liara looked over where he sat, seeming to notice for the first time that he was even there, "Though, it doesn't even seem that cold to me."

"What, are you bragging about your ability to generate more body heat than me? I'm hurt, Liara, cold and hurt." He forced a wounded note into his voice, trying to look pitiable and small.

That almost got a smile from her, "Garrus, if you want I can get you a hot beverage. Maybe that human drink...cocoa. The one with the floating sugary pillows in it."

"Oh, now, that's just mean. Adding insult to injury, pointing out that along with my inability to stay warm like you squishy things, I also can't drink your levo comfort drinks without my stomach trying to do a tap dance up my trachea." Actually got a giggle for that one. _Garrus, you are a genius_, he thought smugly, watching her visibly relax. He hid a grin with a cough, head ducking down into his cowl.

He felt an additional weight drop around his shoulders as Liara draped another thermal on him, her arms coming around him as she dropped down onto the decking next to him. He felt better instantly, her warmth transferring to him. She smiled up into his face, "Better?"

He rumbled happily, "I forgive you."

They stayed like that, in silence. Garrus was almost comfortable enough to nap, his eyes slipping shut only to snap open when Liara started humming. It was that song, and he froze as the scene took on an almost surreal cast, in the mako, hearing that tune again, remembering the horror he felt at the look in Shepard's eyes. His heart started pounding in his ears as he shifted to look her in the eye. She seemed to realize something was the matter, saying, "What's wrong, Garrus?"

"Hmmm."_ Well, she didn't look like she was about to do strangely inexplicably frightening things,_ so he forced himself to calmly ask, "Liara, where did you hear that song?"

"I, um, heard it yesterday." She ducked her head, almost in embarrassment. His mind raced over what happened yesterday. There was a mission, then a briefing, then a mission. Liara hadn't gone on either mission and as far as he knew, she'd stayed in her quarters in the interim.

"Where, exactly?" He tried to keep the tension out of his voice and posture, knowing not to startle her into silence.

She said, in a voice that was more a whisper, "I really shouldn't say..."

Garrus sighed almost inaudibly, knowing he'd reached another roadblock for now. He rubbed his neck and let his head fall back to the mako's bulkhead, "Not too many people on the Normandy listen to turian music, Liara. Not unless they're alot more culture curious than I ever had reason to believe."

"It's a turian song?" He caught her eyes flick toward the cab of the tank, where their Commander seemingly blithely sat.

"My mother loved it. Nearly drove dad crazy, humming it while she worked around the house. That was before-uh..." Not wanting to continue, he drifted off. Liara clearly wanted to ask about it, but she was cut off by the mako jerking to a halt.

Shepard glided around the partition, her eyes silently telling them they had arrived.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Geth are ridiculously easy to kill when you have a biotic with you. Asari commandos...not so much. He cursed under his breath as another of his shot went awry, he hasn't missed this often since he was a raw recruit, at the beginning of sniper school.

This room had too many entrances to cover them all effectively, so he made do keeping an eye on where Shepard was, wishing the damned woman would stay in cover more often. As it was, she was darting from platform to platform, shooting them as they tried to flood the room. When she got tagged with a stasis or something, he picked off any enemies near her position. She got hit pretty hard by that last batch, Garrus was pretty sure she took a hit through her shields.

He felt a little panicky bubble in his chest when she went down, only popping when she reappeared leaping over a crate, unloading her shotgun pointblank in the last geth's face.

As a group, the three of them walked cautiously up to where Matriarch Benezia stood, back ramrod straight gazing at the trapped rachni queen.

"This is not over. Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear." Her voice drifted over him. As she turned towards them, Garrus saw a disturbingly familiar mad light in her eyes, suffusing her face with unholy obsession He shot a look at Shepard, who gazed back at him passively.

Shepard walked slowly up to the glass enclosure, resting a gloved hand against the cool surface, "The rachni didn't cooperate with you. Why should I?"

The matriarch locked gazes with Shepard for a moment, "I will not betray him. You will-you-"

She faltered, shaking her head slightly, "You must listen. Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions. Briefly. But the indoctrination is strong."

Alarmed, Garrus put her back in his scope, "So you could turn on us again?"

Shepard waved him back, warningly. After eyeing the turian, Benezia spoke again, " Yes. But it would not be my will, Shepard. People are not themselves around Saren. You come to idolize him. Worship him. You would do anything for him."

Liara was pale, shaking. Garrus reached out and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. He turned back to the tableau in front of him. These two powerful women locked in a battle of wills. "The key is Sovereign, his flagship. It is a dreadnought of incredible size and its power is extraordinary."

Shepard pursed her lips slightly, considering carefully, "Sovereign's...not like other ships. Where did it come from?"

"I cannot say. The geth did not build it. Its technology is far more advanced than that of any known species." The matriarch wrapped her arms around herself, the words dragging themselves out of her mouth, "The longer you stay aboard, the more Saren's will seems correct. You sit at his feet and smile as his words pour into you. It was...subtle at first. I thought I was strong enought to resist. Instead, I became a willing tool, eager to serve.

"He sent me here to find the location of the Mu relay. Its position was lost thousands of years ago." The Commander stood silent, drinking in the information like light is swallowed by a black hole. Garrus knew what it was like to be on the other end of that insistent pulling. If you had something to give, you gave. It was drawn out of you, inexorably. Even an asari matriarch could not stand before it, "Imagine long ago a star goes supernova. The shockwave propels the relay out of its system, but does not destroy it.

"Many millenia pass, the nebula created by the nova envelopes the relay. Undetected, inactive, lost." She paused, turning to look at the rachni queen, "Two thousand years ago, the rachni inhabited that region of space. They discovered the relay...

"The rachni can share memories across generations. Queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers." Shame colored her features, her hand came up to touch the glass mirroring Shepard, "I took the location of the relay from the queen's mind. I was not...gentle."

"Why does Saren need the Mu relay?" Shepard said, drawing Benezia out of her thoughts.

"He believes it will lead him to the Conduit. I would tell you more if I could, but Saren did not share his counsel with me. I was merely a slave to his cause." Garrus noticed a slight stiffening in Shepard's posture at the word, slave. He filed it away as another piece to the puzzle that was her.

Shepard almost put her hand on the matriarch's shoulder, seeming to come to herself and balling that hand into a fist, "If you're truly remorseful, give me the information."

Benezia handed Shepard an OSD, "I should have been stronger. Take it. Please."

Liara spoke up for the first time in a long while, her emotions finally in check, "Knowing the coordinates is not enough. Do you know where he planned to go from there?"

The matriarch shook her head sadly, her words coming out faster, with an edge of panic, "You must find out quickly. I transmitted the coordinates to him before you arrived."

Her teeth captured her bottom lip as a shudder ran through her whole body, "You have to stop- me. I can't-His teeth are at my ear. Fingers on my spine. You should-uh, you should-"

Desperation colored Liara's voice as she took a couple running steps toward the shaking woman, "Mother, I-don't leave! Fight him!"

Tears ran from the matriarch's eyes as she gazed upon her daughter, whispering, "You've always made me proud, Liara..."

Garrus snagged her wrist before she could bolt to her mother's side, yanking her back behind him. His rifle drew a bead on Benezia.

Her biotics drew about her, blindingly bright and her voice boomed over them, _"DIE!_"

The fight that followed was furious. Garrus struggled to protect Shepard from the worst of the onslaught, taking hits for her so her shields had time to regenerate. In the end, it was Liara who struck the last blow, her biotics pushed her mother to the ground, then she collapsed herself, on her hands and knees with exhaustion.

Shepard almost tenderly propped the fallen matriarch up against the console. Garrus had to lean close to make out her whispered last words, "I cannot go on. You will have to stop him, Shepard."

A slim blue hand reached out to stop Shepard from grabbing some medi-gel, "No. He is still in my mind. I am not...myself. I never will be again."

Liara succeeded in dragging herself over to the matriarch, folding her limp body in an embrace, "Mother-"

Liara bent her head down to catch the dying woman's last words, her face stricken with grief.

Shepard approached the rachni queen's enclosure, her jaw set determinedly.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

The next few days were quiet aboard the Normandy, crewmembers shuffled from place to place, no one willing to break the tension. Liara wouldn't come out of her room except to grab meals, ignoring or avoiding any conversation.

Garrus leaned back in a chair in the mess hall and sighed._ One can take apart one's rifle and clean it only so many times a day_. He snorted, now he was starting to sound like a hanar. Just who was cracking up now.

His mind mulled over what he'd been able to glean from the extranet over the last few days. Ashley had mentioned Mindoir, but he couldn't find any military actions for the small colony. Just a small mention of Batarian slavers being repelled from the system about 15 years ago. Too long ago for Shepard to have been in the military for long. He'd read that humans couldn't go into the military until they'd reached their 18th year, even if she enlisted right at her majority, there just wasn't enough time present to account for her possible presence on such a small colony way out in the Terminus systems.

Official records have Shepard's age recorded as being 32, though there seemed to be little suspicious, and more than likely innocuous, tampering with the reports. No big deal, usually. He'd done similar when he was with C-Sec, sometimes to protect a contact or witness from the leaks that seemed to pop up in any precinct. Odd that Captain Anderson, well, Commander Anderson at the time, was the one to handle the paperwork for both the colony reports and Shepard's enlistment. Not to mention sponsoring her into the N7 program as well.

Seems the captain was very hands-on when it came to Shepard's career in the marines. Not favoritism, precisely, but just making sure she had plenty of opportunities to shine in the field. Shepard did impress, and she must have done so from the very beginning.

Slowly, it dawned on him that the only conclusion to be reached had to do with Shepard's origins in and of itself. Maybe, just maybe, she was born on that colony. The more he thought about it, the more he was positive._ Hmmm,_ but the colony was only established a handful of years prior to the attack.

Garrus pulled up his omnitool, searching Alliance databanks for census reports on their colonies. No one bothered to firewall such nearly useless information. He could see a problem though, there seemed to be only sketchy accounts of population growth, maybe showing a distrust in Alliance authority. No recognizable names, but it did confirm that the colony was only 15 years old before the batarian slavers raided it, couldn't have been more than a smattering of farms and prefab buildings.

That gave him another idea, maybe one that would bear more fruit. He looked for passenger manifests for colonists headed out to the Terminus around the same time those worlds were being surveyed, and he nearly grinned when he only found three. _Lucky lucky_, he thought smugly to himself.

Halfway through the second list, he froze the screen. Four names, right next to each other.

Jack Shepard  
Susan Shepard  
Jonah Shepard  
James Shepard

He checked the extranet twice to make sure that Jonah was a masculine human name. It struck him then that he didn't actually know Shepard's first name, but for some reason, he didn't think it was Susan. So, either, someone changed her name later on for some reason, or, and this seemed far more likely to him, she hadn't been born yet and he was staring at the names of her family.

Extranet search didn't pull up anything on their names. Garrus sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Alright, assuming this Susan is Shepard's mother, and again assuming that she was pregnant when they landed at Mindoir, even if she was born right after, that would mean...Shepard was only 15 when the slavers came calling.

He'd seen first hand what the slavers were capable of doing to the victims they'd...acquired. Captured slaver ships were almost always brought to the Citadel so the freed people could be sorted and sent home. He'd seen trauma of all kinds, but the females were the worst. He didn't want to think about...that in connection to Shepard in any way. It made his guts churn and a icy shiver run up his spine.

"Keelah!" An exasperated Tali slid in next to him, making him start and nearly lose his balance, only by windmilling his arms and grabbing the edge of the table did he stop himself from toppling backwards. Tali giggled at his antics and he shot her a glare that swiftly turned into a grin as she held out a cup of dextro-tea, "Um, sorry, Garrus. What were you thinking about so hard anyway?"

He looked at her over the rim of the cup, archly, "What do you mean?"

He swore she rolled her luminescent eyes at him, "Oh, please. I could hear the gears grinding from engineering. Plus, I was knocking cups and dishes around in the mess and you didn't even look up."

Garrus dropped his chin into his palm and flashed her a crooked smile, "Maybe I was thinking about how...adorable your little mouth light is."

"Shameless flirt!" Could quarians blush? He bet she was, under that foggy mask. How did quarians drink, anyway? He watched her pull a straw out from one of her pockets and affix it to a small port on the underside of her mask, "Seriously though, what were you thinking about?"

"Do you know, as long as I've been on board, as many missions I've been on with the Commander-" He paused, not sure if he should continue.

Tali waved her hand, urging him to continue.

"I, um, don't even know Shepard's first name..." He trailed off, looking up at the flourescent lights.

Tali's voice chirped, "It's Jane."

"Huh, how'd you know that?" Garrus turned his head to look at her, quizzically.

"She was exercising in the cargo hold one day and I asked her what her dogtags were, though I didn't know the word til she told me. She let me look at them. I also know her blood type is A positive, whatever that means." She tilted her head at him, face unreadable, "It's funny that you didn't know that. You spend more time with her than any of us. She's always down there helping repair the mako."

He rubbed his neck, trying to decipher what that lilting quality in Tali's voice seemed to imply, "I, uh, didn't want to pry."

"What do the humans say...bullshit. You do know that all extranet searches get catalogued on the hubs in engineering, don't you?" Tali shook her finger at him, seeming to enjoy watching him squirm at being so easily caught out, "Someone's been a very busy boy."

"Aw, c'mon, Tali. I was just curious, you know?" He cleared his throat, nervously, "She doesn't talk about herself and I just wanted to-"

"Garrus, Garrus, I'm just teasing. Honestly, I've been trying to clear the backlog of searches and I almost never caught yours between the copious amount of porn that come from Joker's terminal." She shuddered in disgust, "Cannot. Be. Unseen."

"Right. Awkward." Garrus sipped his beverage, glancing at Tali do the same. He wondered if the liquid went into some kind of chamber to be sterilized before she could drink it. "So, uh, she talks to you, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, but it's more like she's listens more than she's talking, you know? Just kinda sucks it right out of you. Don't know how she does it, but I tell her things I wouldn't even share with another quarian."

"I know what you mean. Wonder if they can weaponize that." He grinned at the thought. _Short-range Ballistic Listening._

Tali laughed, "No intel would be safe, if they did."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, drinking companionably.

She drew in a breath and paused, "You know, she sings in the shower."

He tried not to picture Shepard in the shower, unsuccessfully, and wondered at why he felt a little rush of heat in his blood as he said nonchalantly, "Oh? Not that uncommon, is it?"

"I just, what you said about her never sharing anything about herself, it's very true. That she can do something as mortal as that, it's...comforting...and beautiful. I could listen to her all day, but I don't linger, because she might airlock me for hanging out and being creepy...in the restroom. There isn't a way you can put that in a good connotation." There was a lengthy pause as Tali sipped her drink, deep in thought, "If it weren't for the way she obviously takes care of us, I'd think she could airlock us all, every one of us, tomorrow and not feel a thing. Her manner is so cold, most of the time."

Garrus nodded, painfully glad to hear someone else's perspective on their very strange commander, "I hear you. She goes ridiculously far out of her way for us. Even on the simplest missions. Going through our lockers to change our equipment out and whatnot."

"I wonder if she lets her boy toy call her by name." Tali giggled, her other hand coming up to cradle the mug in front of her.

Garrus frowned slightly, not wanting to be reminded of the burdgeoning relationship between Lieutenant Alenko and their C.O. It shouldn't bother him. She was human, he was human. It made sense...sort of. Ok, not really. Kaiden fawned over her. It sickened Garrus a bit. And Shepard allowed the coy smiles and touches that the lieutenant stole with the greed of a child with candy.

_Maybe it's just physical_. He thought, running his hand over his fringe, because there's just no way Alenko's any sort of challenge mentally for her._ Never let him take point, like she did me-_

_FEROS_! His jaw dropped at how stupid he was, Feros was the mission the day before Noveria and it was the first time Liara melded her mind with Shepard to try to help decipher the Prothean beacon data that had lodged itself most uncooperatively in Shepard's head. He stood abruptly, hands on the table. Only a yelp from a startled Tali reminded him that she was still there. He looked at her, apologetically, "Oh, uh, I gotta go...talk to...Liara. Offer my condolences, that sort of thing."

Tali watched him amble away with almost unseemly haste and he did his best not to hear her mutter, "Yup, he likes her."

Best not to speculate on the he and her she was speaking of. His mind was on fire, maybe he'd actually get some answers today. Who better to ask the what and how of Shepard's mind than someone who'd actually poked around in there.

On his way through med bay, he tossed Chakwas a cheeky salute. She tipped her brandy glass at him with a smile. He paused for a moment outside Liara's office, Be cool. Be calm. Be Shepard. He wished he had Shepard's ability to interrogate completely passionlessly with a hint of kindness. Hell, he watched her do it enough times, he could try it anyway.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

He palmed the lock and Liara turned in her chair, smiling, "Shepa-Oh, Garrus, thought you were the commander. Come in."

Garrus ignored the flash of disappointment he saw in her pale blue eyes and sat on a chair not too close to the asari, elbows resting on his knees, "How are you, Liara?"

He really did want to know, despite the other things he might want from her. She turned from her terminal slightly, looking at him out of the corner of her eye, "I'm...okay, I guess. It was... difficult, seeing my mother like that, but I believe I'll survive. One day at a time."

"I'm so sorry, Liara. Tough situation all around." He hummed in agreement, rubbing his palms together between his knees, he lifted his head and looked around at some of the instrumentation in this part of the ship, wondering if it was too soon to break the topic he really wanted to duscuss. He noticed a cot in the corner, "You don't sleep in the women's crew quarters?"

"I-No...I didn't want to make the rest of the crew uncomfortable. Most of them haven't served with any nonhumans before. They seem to think all asari just want to seduce them. I caught the word succubus once or twice. After I looked up the word, I didn't know whether I should be flattered or not." She was watching him too shrewdly, "Do you?...Sleep in the crew quarters, I mean?"

"Naw, bunks are too short. Mako's wear I hang my hat. Plus, they tell me I, uh, snore..." He ducked his head briefly, "Though how they could hear me over Wrex...I mean, that krogan makes the walls shake with the noises he makes. Spirits, and the flatulence-"

"Goddess! Garrus, just _ask_ me already." She rolled her chair over to him, dropping her slim hand on his shoulder. His head snapped up to meet her puffy, red-rimmed eyes._ Spirits, I really am bad at this, insensitive jerk that I am_. "I understand the need to use humor to deflect, but please...just ask me."

His jaw clenched, angry at himself for botching this already,_ I bet Shepard would have handled this better,_ "...This is about...Shepard..." She nodded, as if to say, isn't it always, "And how, well, it-I-Oh hell, I just don't understand. I'm trying to understand, but I just don't."

He stood up, pacing like a caged animal, "How can she be so cold, so callously uncaring on the surface and still do the things I've seen her do? Can you bury compassion, like that? Can humans do that? Do one thing, but act like the other? I would call it madness if I didn't see how calculating...Every...Single...Decision...she makes is. What could you do with charisma like that. What couldn't you do. It's terrifying.

"In C-Sec, I learned to follow the trail. Cause and effect. Find out why and maybe it can be prevented next time. Save some lives, make the galaxy a little brighter. The red tape got in the way so I hated it, but I still did the job in front of me. I see Shepard, and she has no strings, nothing stopping her from just doing what needs to be done. I'm trying to keep up, I am. But I don't know if I can be that. If anyone should be that. And I can't help but follow, I don't think any of us can."

Spent, Garrus dropped back into his chair, almost limp with relief at finally telling someone about the thoughts that have been hounding him for months now. Liara's eyes were almost glazed over as she assimilated his lightning-fast tirade, "You...admire her."

He snorted, head cradled in his palms, "Don't we all?"

Softly, she said, "You're more alike than you know. Her troubles-well, I can't break the trust she has placed in me by letting me share her mind, no matter how briefly."

That last was said so very sadly, that it pulled at Garrus' heartstrings, "You...admire her, too."

"Don't we all. I can tell you that the face you, me, everyone sees is, well, not strictly a lie, but something she has decided to put there to protect us...from her." This was not said in anyway fearfully, though it sounded pretty damn ominous to him and did nothing for his peace of mind. She continued, "I saw-I can't...but I will never forget. And if there ever comes a time when all oaths are set aside, I will share it with you, Garrus."

Silently, she handed him an OSD. He looked at her, questioningly, "Watch this only when you are sure you are alone. I could not help myself. Seems the skills I learned as an archaeologist are also useful in investigation."

"Liara, I-" Her hand came up to touch his mouthplates, cutting off his apology.

"Don't worry for my state of mind, friend. I will remember my mother as she used to be." She smiled prettily, the shadows in her eyes forgotten, for now. She hugged herself, eyes twinkling up at him, and stood on her tiptoes, lips brushing softly against his mandible. She gripped his hand briefly before turning away, walking to her terminal, sliding gracefully into her chair and dimming the lights in the room by half.

Garrus took a deep breath and looked down at the disk in his hand, heartbeat quickening slightly._ What kind of answers were on there?_ He turned to leave and find out. Liara's soft voice stopped him at the door, hand hovering over the green circle of the lock.

"Garrus." He waited, with bated breath, "She admires you, too."

He stepped through the now open door and waited for it to close behind him before slumping against the wall, tiredly._ Spirits._

The tinkle of ice in glass made his eyes pop open. Chakwas eyed him speculatively over the rim of her glass, one eyebrow quirked sardonically, "Care to join me for a drink, Officer Vakarian?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

He made his mandibles stretch into a grin, "Only when you start buying the good stuff, doc."

Her laughter followed him out of the medbay. His mind whirled in thought as he tried to think of some part of the Normandy where privacy could be had. There was really no place that immediately came to mind, the ship was on active duty with regular rotations of crew manning all the stations around the clock. Only the C.O.'s quarters, but he dismissed trying to hole up in there for any length of time without drawing attention. Plus, even though Shepard spent little to no time in there, there was a very heavy risk of her walking in on him while he looked at...whatever happened to be on this disk.

That left...the bathroom or some lost corner in the ventilation system. No way he was gonna crawl around in there though. So he meandered to the bathroom, smiling at crewmembers who happened to notice him. _Just a trip to the men's, people. Look, I'm normal, like you!_

After checking out the stalls to make sure the room was clear, Garrus sat in the furthest one from the door. A few taps on his omnitool linked it to his visor, he turned the sound way down so only he could hear it. He took a deep breath, composed himself and hit play.

He saw a darkened stage with some kind of three legged curvy table on it. No, not a table, the top was propped open at a 45 degree angle and there was a line of black and white rectangles along the long edge, in front of a low bench.

Whoever was operating the camera couldn't seem to keep it still, panning back and forth over the crowd, a man's voice excitedly chatting nearby. Garrus turned the output up a fraction so he could make out what he was saying.

"Babe, babe, say hi to Janie." The camera focused on a woman to the man's right. She turned to look and smiled. Her features were achingly familiar. Garrus could see Shepard in the graceful arch of her brow and the shape of her nose, but her hair was the color of straw, pale and glowing. She lifted a hand to wave, and blew a kiss into the camera lense.

"Dad, look they flew in a baby grand just for Janie!" The camera panned to the left, finding two madly grinning identical faces under curly red mops. He saw a calloused hand reach out and ruffled the young men's hair, drawing an almost comical look of embarrassed consternation from them.

"Alright, alright-" The camera spun 180 to focus crookedly on the man holding it. Garrus saw the resemblance there, too. In his coloring, twinkling green eyes and strong jawline, "Janie, my girl, we're going to miss you so much. I'm going to hide this in your bag so you can watch it later. Have fun at Julliard! Baby, we are so proud of you-Oh, here you come."

Shepard's father looked up, presumably to the stage as a cheer erupted in the gathering. The camera swung forward to focus on the stage again. A spotlight appeared on the left, following a small, willowy figure as it walked to the bench.

Garrus held his breath as the young girl seemed to look straight at him, smiling so openly, her joy at spotting her family apparent in her every move. The turian's heart beat heavily at how naked Shepard's face was, nothing hidden, far far away from the inscrutable mask she would don later in life. With studied grace, she sat on the bench. A hush fell over the auditorium.

Young Shepard bent her arms at the elbow, those strange long-fingered hands floating over the black and white strips.

Garrus started as the first note rolled over him. Okay, so that's some kind of musical instrument. His eyes widened when he saw how her fingers nimbly flew over the keys, drawing music out of them deftly. As amazed as he was at her skill, his eyes soon became riveted to her face.

Her eyes were wide, staring into nothing, a light in them that was something akin to what he'd seen in the mako so long ago, without the madness that turned it hellish. He watched her lips part by a fraction, rapturously intent on the music she was creating.

"God, she looks so beautiful." Shepard's father whispered in his ear. Garrus nodded in agreement, wondering vaguely when soft and squishy had become his paradigm for physical beauty, instead of the sleek hard angles that epitomized the turian concept. Examining his feelings, he realized that it wasn't soft and squishy that made his heart jump, but just Shepard, just_ Jane._ He whispered her name in his mind, shocked at the surge of painful longing that welled up in him. He gulped reflexively.

As the last note faded into nothing, the girl that would become Shepard, fierce and deadly soldier of the Alliance stood and turned to the audience, bowing from the waist, blushing prettily from the cheers that erupted around her. The screen froze then, focused on her triumphant face.

With a shuddering breath, he unplugged the OSD from his omnitool, tucking it safely into a compartment in his armor. He was torn between keeping it and finding some way of giving it to Shepard. He wondered if she'd even had a chance to see it. He checked the time stamp on the disc. It was the day before the slavers attacked the colony. Liara's tone had implied that it had been very difficult to find this data, probably making it the only copy in existence.

Shepard did a very good job burying her past. Garrus had an inkling that if she became aware of this disk, it would only bring her pain. Well, more pain. Garrus resolved to never do that to her. Spare her all the pain he could. Maybe someday, he could give this disk to her so she could have some part of her past back. He would just have to wait and see.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

And then, Virmire happened.

As inadequate a description as that was, it soon became a buzzword aboard the ship. Not a list of the things they'd accomplished down there, blowing up Saren's lab, discovering the terrible truth about Sovereign, Shepard challenging and ultimately talking down a very angry krogan battlemaster, the sacrifice of a certain team member whose name was still too painful to speak aloud. No, Virmire_ happened._ A victory that tasted like a defeat.

The Normandy was now on route to the Citadel, with information for the council that could mean the difference between survival and genocide. Garrus lingered in the cargo hold, trying to keep himself from glaring at the STG team situated at the other end of the room. He tried not to blame them for the melancholic atmosphere on the ship, but damn if it wasn't difficult. Even the indomitable Wrex seemed distraught, facing the wall, silently running his hands over his ancestor's armor.

Shepard had already visited Ashley's station three times that day, she was there now. Just standing over there, eyes closed. Garrus was sure he was the only one close enough to see that she was trembling. How he longed to go over there, offer some kind of comfort. Worried that she would see the truth if he did. Not wanting to worsen the situation with his awkwardness.

Alenko drifted over to where she was standing, his head inclined towards her as he spoke softly. He put his arm around her and Garrus tried so very hard not to feel the sharp stab of jealousy in his gut. _She's being comforted, that's the important part. Get a hold of yourself._

Wrex caught his eye as he turned away from the couple, the krogan's expression too knowing. Garrus froze, knowing he'd been caught out, yet again. Was he really that transparent? All indications point to_ yes, you stupid turian_. Apparently, it seemed the only one oblivious to his affections was the very object of them.

It wasn't like Shepard to have that sort of blind spot when it came to the motivations of her team, but he was very glad for it, nonetheless. As though the spirits had finally delivered him this small boon to save him from any embarrassing revelations concerning him and his inappropriate feelings.

Alenko steered Shepard toward the elevator and Garrus risked a peek at her face. The stern mask was in place, but her eyes were blazing. He saw anger and fear and hate in there, roiling around in their dilated depths, and sadness, deep and abiding sadness. Now it was his turn to tremble, truly afraid for her for the first time. It wasn't right or fair or any of those phantom concepts about the galaxy being basically an alright place to live in.

There was no way he was going to let her go sacrificing herself for some _greater good_. He had a flash of understanding, then, just a tiny taste of where she might be headed in her thinking. High risk, low probability of success missions were just fine and dandy and fairly standard in their line of work, but this feeling that she believed that she deserved no better, was a blatant and terrible_ lie._

He tasted blood in his mouth as he swore that somehow, someday he would show her the truth, place it in her hands and soul like a gift. It might mean she found comfort in someone else's arms, but he would give anything, sacrifice anything to see that joy in her face again, as it was before time and circumstance had scarred her so deeply. The memory of that little girl soothed his soul, granting him strength to be there for Shepard, however she needed him, asking no more than to be at her side protecting her.

Will resolved, he grimly began to ready his weapons, real and metaphorical.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

His hands clenched at his sides as he tried not to leap forward and throttle the members of the council as their words of recrimination crashed over him. Garrus looked over to Shepard and noted that two bright circles of color had appeared high on her cheeks, shoulders stiff with indignation. The strain must really be getting to her if she was emoting in such an obvious way.

The same council chamber that he had been so in awe of the first time he'd come here to meet with these same councillors now seemed a damned circus tent with Udina as ringmaster. _Foolhardy, foolish...fools! And incredibly, unforgivably...Spirits-damned DENSE!_

_Udina's a viper_, he thought viciously, the urge to kill the man making his vision go dark on the edges, almost like the tunnel vision of the scope, only shot through with bloody blue. How easy it would be to reach out and snap his neck. Only a tap on his shoulder snapped him out of his near blood frenzy. Wrex rubbed his chin, eyeing the turian with a warning look, shaking his head.

Her rage at being so summarily dismissed filled the air like a palpable thing, a serpent writhing and snapping, almost visible. How could they not _feel_ it? How could they stand in the presence of this tiny deadly woman and not be painfully aware of how easily she could snuff out their existence. Just as the councillors started to notice the threat in her posture and impossible stillness, she spun violently on her heels, stalking down the stairs to where the elevators waited. Wrex and Garrus followed almost timidly.

Garrus exchanged a worried glance with Wrex as they rode so very slowly down the lift, the tension suffocating. He felt like he was trapped in the tallest building on the Citadel with a ticking time bomb. He shifted restlessly, feeling helpless.

He almost squawked in panic when he heard Shepard start to laugh, it started as a snort, then lapsed into a giggle, evolving into a full throated laugh, increasing in volume until her whole slender frame shook from it. The two men stood in shocked silence as it bounced around the small cabin, stretching on and on, taking on a manic edge. Garrus backed up against the wall, convinced that she had finally snapped and he was stuck in this tiny room with a psychopath. His imagination started painting the walls in grisly blue streaks.

Wrex reluctantly grumbled, "Uh, Shepard, could you stop doing that? It's scary. You're gonna make Garrus widdle in his jumper."

Garrus looked at him wildly, mouthing,_ Leave me out of this!_

Meanwhile, Shepard leaned forward against the door,resting her forehead on her arm, her laughter dying down to a low chuckle, "This is just too much. Just too _rich_. All that-"

She waved vaguely above her, "_-Pomposity_. I can't even begin to describe how amazed I am that those morons haven't managed to kill off their own species before now."

She fisted her gloved hand, "So!..." She punched the wall to emphasize each word, "...Fucking!... Funny!"

In a very small voice, she said, "I begin to understand Saren more and more."

From this angle with her head bent as far forward as it was, Garrus could see deep puncture scars right at the nape of her neck, almost hidden in her hairline. Such a confirmation that she once wore a slave control collar chilled him to the core. He reached out and ghosted his fingertips over them, she turned her head fractionally, watching his face with some muddled emotion in her stare, "Shepard-"

"It's a terrible burden, knowing everything you know is about to come to a grinding, crashing halt. End of the line, as they say. What would you dare do to stop it..." She straightened up, turning to look at them both, mask back in place, though Garrus tried not to notice the tear tracks that ran down her cheeks or the strangeness she wasn't quite able to hide lingering around the edge of her eyes. "Relax, boys. I have a feeling that this party's just starting."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

And so it was. Anderson got the Normandy released from it's magnetic locks somehow. Garrus hoped it involved some serious violence against the oh, so high and mighty Udina. Too much to hope for a_ permanen_t end to the treacherous man.

He was in the cockpit chatting with Joker when Shepard fielded a vidcall from the outraged human embassador before the Normandy was out of range, smugly pleased at the discoloration around the eye of the tiny digital version of Udina. _Good on you, Anderson. Hopefully, you won't have to be in the brig for long_. Joker high-fived him discreetly when Shepard let him have it, verbally bitch-slapping the man. He looked almost dazed when Shepard cut him off mid-sentence, the screen going black.

They were racing to Ilos now, ETA 20 hours. Shepard sequestered herself in her quarters, alone. Much to the disappointment of a certain foppish lieutenant and the secret shameful delight of one turian with a penchant for sniping. Liara became a sort of sounding board for his ideas and notions, neither confirming nor denying. He kept his innermost thoughts to himself, but felt around for the asari's opinion concerning how Shepard would react to certain events. As far as he was concerned, all of their jobs just became_ Keep Shepard Sane_. Support her completely so she could do the job in front of her. Until this was over, if it was ever over.

What came after, he didn't know. Maybe some time to re-evaluate exactly what he wanted from Shepard. The whole different species thing seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. He was lost as far as whether they were even compatible, physically. Too many variables, not enought information. That Kaiden wasn't in there with her gave Garrus a little thrill of hope. Hope was a commodity there wasn't enough of in the galaxy, he decided, giving himself permission to dream a little dream.

The red lock on the door glared at him as he walked from medbay to the lift. _Oh, yeah, she definitely doesn't want to be disturbed._ Best to leave it for later when there's more time.

_Hopefully, there will be more time,_ he frowned at the sobering thought as the elevator descended. Time to see if some sleep could be had before they reached their fateful destination.

* * *

He awoke in the darkened mako, instantly alert. What woke him? His battlefield-honed reflexes kept his breathing slow and even. He strained to hear any sounds immediately around him, and, hearing not a single thing, opened his eyes in a slit, rolling them around to assess his surroundings. He took in a deep breath through his nose, making it seem a sigh.

There it was, faint, but unmistakable...Shepard.

"They came in the night." Her whispered voice drifted down to him. He froze. She must be laying on the top up there, he didn't remember feeling the vehicle shift at all. He lay back and relaxed, silent, but willing her to go on, fervently. Hesitantly, she continued, "I was in my room upstairs watching some vids on extranet when I heard the first gunshot, then the screaming that followed, my father's voice shouting, then he stopped, he just stopped."

"It started low, but my mother's scream flew up until it was so loud and high. I remember thinking 6 octaves, what a stupid thing to think." He smelled salt, she was crying again. Garrus somehow knew that nothing was required of him and that if he should try to do anything, this moment of disclosure would disappear, and never come around again. "The dull thwacks against her flesh seemed even louder. They were beating her and all through it, she screamed that scream until they finally hit her in the mouth. I was almost glad that she stopped. I could hear it, the wet choked crunches, her body hitting the floor, sobbing and heaving.

"I couldn't move, I didn't even move when they came in my room and took me, dragging me past the corpses of my brothers, past where five of them had my mother pinned to the floor. My father lay on the stair well, I tried so hard not to see that he didn't have a face anymore." She stopped abruptly and Garrus wondered if she'd reached her limit, but no, "I was such a coward, didn't even fight them off when they-"

She took a deep shuddering breath, her voice never raising above little more than a breath, but he heard every word regardless, "Suffice it to say, it was as bad and worse than you could imagine. Three days later and one of them had left a knife too close to the corral where they kept us. They liked to cut on us if they were too bored to fuck us. I hid it in a hole by the waste buckets."

His heart pounded at the thought of her in some cage, made to crap and piss and what all else out in the open like some animal. He resisted the urge to roll into a ball on his side and try to shut out her words. He had wanted to know and now he would, in every horrible detail.

"We started hearing alot more radio chatter and these _men_," She said the word viciously, almost spitting it out, "they started to look worried. I knew something was about to happen, I hoped for an opening, anything. Hope is such an odd thing to have in such an awful place. Honestly, until that last day I think...mostly, I was still hoping it was not real. That I'd wake up and none of it was true. The knife never left me after that."

Garrus clasped his hands together to keep them from shaking._ Keep her safe, what arrogance._ He keened inwardly at his own foolishness, _Nothing I could possibly do now could save her then_. He quailed at the scope of it.

"That last day, they, a few of them, had me...cornered in one of the barns. An alarm went up just as they got...started. One stayed with me while the others grabbed their kit and left. Bastard didn't even slow down, didn't even seem to notice that my knife had cut his throat. His life spilled out on me, so much red. In my mouth, in my hair, I felt bathed in it." She huffed out a small hollow laugh, "I even tried to attack the squad of Alliance marines they sent to investigate the barn. Still don't know if I wanted them to shoot me dead or not. As if one small girl could be a threat to a squad of well trained soldiers.

"Anderson was in the cleanup crew, did your investigation tell you that? I lied, told him I was 17 and that I wanted to fight. And he let me. Out of pity or what have you. Pulled some strings so my past would disappear." She sighed, expelling the breath like she'd been holding it for years, "You know, Garrus...in a way, I'm glad someone knows. That little girl who died there deserves to have someone mourn her, because I can't. I hated her for so long, how could anyone be so weak and frightened, a dog has more courage, will fight, when cornered.

"And I'm doubly glad it's you. I...I think you understand me."

He held his breath as she leapt nimbly down, her back to him in the gloom of the cargo bay, "I understand if you don't respect the broken thing i am any-"

He cut off the awful _untrue_ words by reaching out and tugging sharply on her wrist, pulling her to his lightly clothed chest. She made a soft 'oof' noise in surprise. Without a word, he arranged her with a few moves so she was straddling his lap and just...held her, her face buried in his neck, his mouthplates at her temple. Her arms came around to timidly encircle his waist.

He could feel her consciously relax her shoulders, trembling with suppressed emotion. Garrus didn't tell her it would be okay or any other worthless platitude that could skew this very true very honest thing that was happening between them. When he felt moisture drip down his neck into his cowl, he started crooning to her, rocking ever so slightly, stroking her cheek with his mandibles.

Vaguely, he was aware that it was the same song that started all this, in the same place. He thought dazedly, _Strange how things come full circle._

After a time, he heard a different noise from her. A laugh, genuine in its lightness. He pulled her back far enough to frame her face in his hands, a silent question on his lips. A question she must have heard, because she smiled sadly, "Told you it wasn't going to be an easy ride."

He swept her hair back over her ear, "Nothing worth doing is ever easy."

"When did you become so wise?" She leaned forward into his embrace again, with a sigh.

"Oh, when I started tracking this rogue Spectre with the help of another, now rogue Spectre and her crew of mutineers across the traverse. She taught me that pearls of wisdom can be found anywhere, even down the rabbit's hole."

He felt her smile against his neck, "Ashley gave you some of her books."

"Yeah, not the poetry, that stuff's boring. Really liked that Lewis Carroll guy, though. Gave me unique perspective on the human...hmm...condition." That earned him another of those glorious little laughs.

"I miss her." No need to ask who the her she meant was, it was merely a placeholder for all the people she'd lost. "Tell me about your mother."

"Oh, you, uh, overheard me and Liara that day, did you." He rubbed her shoulder blades, absently.

"I have a great ear."

"Two, even." He nipped at her eartip, laughing when she started, "You humans just get weirder and weirder. Well, my mother..."

He scratched his fringe, trying to find a way to begin, "She's, uh, well, turian, obviously, heh. I mean she's very turian...and well, wonderful. She was always busy with her hands, doing things around the house, humming a tune. I remember the house was so full of sound and movement when I was growing up. My father loved her, even deeper than duty required of him. Theirs was an arranged marriage to strengthen our family's place in the meritocracy, but I think they would have loved each other all the same.

"She got...sick. Bedridden, which if you knew her is almost a fate worse than death. She was in and out of hospitals, being diagnosed by different doctors. My father just wouldn't believe that it was incurable. My sister helped him through the denial, though. Eventually , dad brought her home, set her up with a home nursing staff. So she's comfortable, at least. The disease took away her voice. So cruel it couldn't even leave her that one thing. One of the reasons I left home for C-Sec after the military is I couldn't stand to be in that house any more. With its emptiness...and silence."

"I didn't realize turians were so musical." She said, curious.

"Uh, we're not, usually. I don't suppose we're any more or less musical than any other species. Lots of anthems and marches, you know, in keeping with the whole military thing."

"Every turian I've met seems to have perfect pitch. You, Nihlus, even Saren. Even that flanging in your voice is in descending thirds."

"I'm not sure I follow..." She demonstrated, humming three different tones. He shook his head as he failed to understand.

"imagine them together."_ Ah, ok,_ he hummed a bit so he could hear what she meant. "Very pleasing harmonies. I could listen to it all day."

"So all those times you came down here to help with the mako and let me babble at you, you were just listening to my voice?" He tried to sound hurt, but failed so it came out amused. "Is that why I was on all the missions, too?"

"Garrus, you were on the missions because you're one hell of a soldier and you know how to get the job done."

"Huh, well, " he drawled, "good to know that my impressive skillset wasn't being overshadowed by my magnificent voice."

She giggled against his chest, and then she drew a hesitant breath in, "I've never had someone I could...trust, like I trust you. It's good to have someone around who knows what I need without asking. I've made myself into a sword for them, the...dead ones."

"You're not a sword, Shepard. You're a shield, with a really pointy sharp edge." His hands had found their way to her hips somehow, his thumbs making small circles. _Spirits, she comes down here for a heart to heart and you can't keep your pervy hands off her._ But he couldn't seem to make himself stop, hands running lightly from hip to ribs, delighting in the graceful concave shape of her waist.

Her breath was coming a little faster, brushing against his mandible softly. She lifted her body up so she was kneeling, knees planted on the deck on either side of him. His hands could almost encircle her waist, thumbs nearly touching. Desire coiled low in his belly, his lower plates shifted slightly.

Garrus tilted his head up to see her face, to see if he wasn't just making a fool of himself and she really wanted this. Hell, he didn't know if_ he_ wanted this. It just seemed too soon, too sudden in the wake of the earlier revelations. This thing, this feeling suddenly felt too enormous and at the same time too fragile and if he weren't careful, it could be ruined so very easily.

Her eyes glittered in the dark with mystery. But he could see traces of uncertainty there, too. For a moment, she seemed just as lost as he. Her hands came around his neck, touching him gently under the fringe. His eyes closed and he groaned, leaning his head down against her stomach. His control was slipping. She lifted his head with her hand under his chin, her lower lip trembled, and he reached up to still it with a slow swipe of his thumb. Their faces were inches apart, she whispered, "Garrus.."

His heart leaped into his throat, thudding painfully against his ribs. He pulled her against his chest hard, he rumbled softly in her ear, "Jane..."

She went limp against him, finally undone, no more walls between them, he wished there was more light so he could see what was surely the sun rising in her face, soul revealed to him like the dawn. As it was, the shadow of it that he could see moved him irrevocably, changed him forever.

It was in this perfect moment of understanding, that an annoying pinging noise intruded. His eyes were drawn reluctantly to her omnitool. Moments later, his omnitool pinged as well. They were moments away from planetfall. Orbit around Ilos must have been achieved.

They both turned back to each other. Silent promises were exchanged before they went their separate ways to prepare for the battle to come.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

He was starting to think that his life was revolving around the mako, as though it was the hub around which the most important events of this whole journey haphazardly spun. The mako, always the damn mako. It was haunting him, he was sure. Chasing damn Saren and his damn geth down this damn tunnel with not a clue as to what might be waiting at the end of it.

These...catacombs were getting to him. So blatant was the evidence of past cycle's failures, it made his guts cold thinking of their chances. What chance could they have against such odds. The Prothean VI said as much, with a surprising amount of remorse for a machine.

Garrus glanced at Shepard, taking strength from the determination in the set of her jaw, the fire, tempered now, in her eyes. He took a deep breath and shot some missiles down the tunnel as some geth came around a bend. Garrus was lifted off his feet, banging his fringe on the ceiling when Shepard used the thrusters to jump over their retaliatory missiles. "...ow."

"My bad." The infuriating woman called to him, "Colossus...whoa, lots of them."

He stuck his head up front so he could see the long ramp downward, with a blinding light at the end. Must be the Conduit, only important things are that shiny, "I think that makes it _colossi_, Shepard."

"No time for a grammar lesson, Garrus. You might want to strap your smart ass in."

"Don't have to tell me twice." He felt the vehicle pickup speed, hoping that she wasn't going to try to use her patented just run it over til it's dead maneuver, but no, there was no swerving, their path to the Conduit remained straight and true. He slid into the passenger seat next to her, dropping the harness over his head and locking it in place.

"Kaiden, you better be secured back there."

"Why, what are you about to-OH-MY-GOD!" Garrus heard the man scramble back there just as the mako hit the beam. Then, there was silence and weightlessness, the feeling of moving very fast and not moving at all. Usually, there was a whole ship to buffer them from this feeling, this strange elated/nauseated feeling.

And then they landed, well, crashed would be a more apt description. Kaiden scrambled out of the tank first, coming around to the front to pry the cockpit doors open. Garrus gaped at Shepard, who was looking unusually pleased with herself. She shot him a lazy smile and said, "It's more fun if you hold your arms up like this."

"I'll, uh, keep that in mind for next time." He said, rubbing a hand over his bruised fringe, "Please, please let there not be a next time."

Kaiden helped them out of the tank, shaking his head, "I don't know what shocks me more.  
That we just went through a mass relay in a tank, or that Shepard just cracked a joke."

"Will wonders never cease." She waved her hand dismissively,"Let's move. Still got Saren to take care of."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

_Where does Saren get such fancy toys_, thought Garrus as he watched the corrupted turian float back into view on that flying disc thingy of his,_ Oh, crap, he's got a bomb._

All three of them rolled into cover as the explosive went off where they were just standing, not a moment before. Saren's sinister voice rolled over them, "I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time, Shepard."

"In time for what?" Said she, with a touch of anger in her voice. She risked a peek at him from around her cover. Garrus was glad that Saren seemed more interested in talking than shooting.

"The final confrontation. I think we both expected it would end like this." Saren waved his hand, taking in the flaming debris around them. A smug tone colored his voice, "You've lost. You know that, don't you?"

It was clear from what Garrus could see of her face that Shepard knew no such thing at all and if Saren could see her expression right now, he might not feel so infallible either. Nevertheless, he continued, "In a few minutes, Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel's systems. The relays will open. The Reapers will return."

"I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve." She smirked at Garrus, like they had a private joke._ Spirits, I hope she actuallly has a plan._

"You survived our encounter on Virmire. But I've changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has...upgraded me." Garrus eyed the turian's implants warily, he was all tubes and wires now, and little blinky lights,_ Riiight, upgraded, enslaved, whatever. Tomato, to-mah-to. As the humans say._

"You let Sovereign implant you? I'd ask if you were insane, but I think we both know that's fairly obvious." Shepard said with a hint of sarcasm. Garrus suppressed the sudden urge to laugh, knowing that it was just a touch of hysteria trying to steal his wits.

"You don't understand, Shepard. There is a place for organics in the new order. The Reapers need men and women of action. People like us." Shepard tilted her head down, shaking her head slightly at his words, almost sadly. She sighed as he continued, "Sovereign recognizes your value. You've impressed it. Surrender to the Reapers and you will be spared. Join us and we can find a place for you."

"The Reaper's are controlling you through your implants. Don't you see that?" That was very blunt exposition for Shepard, usually she didn't have to explain things to that simple a degree. She obviously thought Saren was too far gone, too blinded by his misplaced faith to see the truth for what it was. Garrus was sure only diplomatic tact kept her tone from being patronizing.

"The relationship is symbiotic. Organic and machine intertwined, a union of flesh and steel. The strengths of both,the weaknesses of neither." Garrus could see that Shepard very badly wanted to save this ruined man, with his logic that was so flawed. And he forced himself to let her handle this and not just put a bullet through Saren's skull. Saren spoke again, "I am a vision of the future, Shepard. The evolution of all organic life. This is our destiny. Join Sovereign and experience a true rebirth!"

Shepard waved her hand, dispelling the illlusion of some grand idyllic future where everyone was making synthetic/organic babies and brought them all back to the very real, very immediate present, "Sovereign hasn't won yet. I can stop it from taking control of the station. Step aside and the invasion will never happen."

"We can't stop it! Not forever. You saw the visions. You saw what happened to the Protheans. The Reapers are too powerful." Then Garrus saw it, a tiny crack in Saren's resolve. The fear that motivated the man to go to such horrifying extremes. An echo resounded in his mind, Shepard's voice in his memory, _What would you dare do to stop it._

But Shepard is not Saren, not broken to the point of blindness, "Some part of you must still realize this is wrong. You can fight this!"

There was a pause as Saren visibly struggled with himself, "Maybe you're right. Maybe there is still a chance for...unh!"

"The implants..." Kaiden's voice drifted to him, horror-stricken.

"Sovereign is too strong. I'm sorry." Saren's cybernetic eyes seemed to clear then and Garrus was struck by the pain in them, "It is too late for me."

Shepard stood up, moving out of cover, striding toward Saren, to the very edge of the platform, "It's not too late. You can still redeem yourself."

Saren's disc drifted to where she stood, looking up at him unafraid. His talons reached out as though to touch her face, "Goodbye, Shepard...Thank you."

The shot resounded around the council chamber, blue-black blood sprayed across Shepard's face as she looked on in shock. Saren fell backward, through a skylight and into the chamber below, landing with a sickening thud.

Shepard stood there, unmoving, head tilted down, sirens blaring around them. Garrus shifted uneasily from foot to foot, finally he moved up to her side and leaned toward her, "Shepard-"

"He just wanted to save us. You see that, don't you? All this...compromise was just to give us a chance." She shook her head sadly, "Is existing as we are so terrible that these Reapers want to take away from us the very thing makes us us?...Do you think they have music?"

That last was said so softly, he almost didn't catch it. He felt though that some monumental revelation had just occured to her, but pressing concerns forced him to intrude in her thoughts, "Shepard, is this really the time?"

With a few flicks of her wrist at the terminal, it was done. They listened as the jumbled distress calls came in. The Destiny's Ascension was in serious trouble, with the entire council on board. Garrus thought sarcastically,_ Whoever thought that up was a fucking genius. Hey, guys, let's put all the top brass on the same boat so the enemy can cripple our government with one big explosion. Wheee!_

Shepard stood silent, deliberating the decision of whether or not to sacrifice human lives to save those blind fools. Opinions were given, Kaiden had some good points and Garrus couldn't help but put his two cents in.

She turned away, arms crossed over her chest,"Opening the relays now, Joker. We need to save the Ascension-no matter what the cost."

Kaiden sighed, "I hope you know what you're doing?"

"Of course I know what I'm doing, Kaiden. Just like I'm always aware of what you're doing, and what Garrus is doing. I even have an inkling of what the council will do when we're done with this mess, though I'm sure none of us will like it." She looked over the edge again, down there, where Saren's corpse was, her tone stone cold, "Make sure he's dead."

With a nod to each other, the two men made their way down into the chamber. Garrus stalked up to the dead turian, rifle ready, _Better safe than sorry_. He put a single bullet in the dead man's head, resisting the urge to give him a little kick as well, _No need to be petty._

He heard Kaiden's voice, "He's dead."

Like an ominous precursor, it echoed. In its wake, there came a rumbling and they all turned to see red lightning shooting into Saren's corpse, making it jitter and shake in the sick imitation of life.

A concussive force threw Garrus and Kaiden into some nearby pillars, he heard a crack from behind as the walkway and Shepard both fell into this enclosure with them. The thing that was Saren was on its feet now, the flesh melting away from it's synthetic substructure. No longer a man, just a machine and when Sovereign spoke to them with Saren's voice, the horror of it all was overwheming.

The next few minutes went by in a blur, with all three of them ducking, shooting, running from that hellish beam as it sliced through the air around them. The thing was frighteningly fast, it was hard to draw a bead on it. He was supremely grateful that Kaiden and his biotics were there. They had to pull every single trick out of the bag as the monstrous machine ran circles around them in the small chamber. He caught a glimpse of Shepard's face, lips drawn into a rictus, eyes wide in her pale, pale face.

Finally, it was done. Garrus watched with horrified fascination as what was left of Saren slowly disintegrated. Radio chatter made it seem like the battle outside was going well, if the cries of 'shields down hit it with everything we've got' were any indication.

Shepard stepped slowly to the charred depression Garrus was staring at, her fists clenched in rage. Alarmed, he saw the madness dancing in her eyes as she turned to him, she ground out some words from between equally clenched teeth, "They will pay for this...offense."

She must have seen something of what he was feeling in his face, because the light in her eyes dimmed to some softer, saner feeling and she leaned her shoulder into him. An especially loud boom drew all their attention to a window above them, where they just caught sight of the gargantuan Reaper exploding, a single, large piece of debris spun fatefully towards them. Shepard shoved him ahead of her as they began to run, shouting, "Go!"

Garrus lost his senses as the world seemed to burst into sound and heat, dimly aware that his body was being tossed around like a rag doll. Slowly, he became aware of the wail of those damned alarms all around him. Smoke choked him, making him cough as he slowly lifted his aching head. Running footsteps all around him, the sound of people lifting and moving debris, calling out for survivors. Someone flipped him over onto his back, he squinted in the harsh glare of a searchlight in his face, groaning. When the stars in his vision faded, he saw Kaiden sitting up against a wall near him. The human smiled weakly at him.

Hands on his shoulders lifted him up into a sitting position, the male voice of their rescuer yelling excitedly, "Captain Anderson! We've found them! They're in here!"

Here came the man himself, lifting Alenko then himself to their respective feet, "Take it easy. It's over. You're safe now."

Garrus started to look around, wildly, for any sign of her.

Captain Anderson's voice echoed his worry, "Where's the commander? Where's Shepard?"

There was a long moment of panic that settled over Garrus, mouth dry, as he gazed at the huge chunk of twisted metal that had fallen where he'd last seen Shepard. He was just about to leap in there and start digging when movement caught his eye.

And there she was, rising over the wreckage like an avenging angel, blood splattered freely all over her armor, the blue streaks across her face making her look positively savage and impossibly beautiful at the same time. He locked the memory of her triumphant smile deep in his heart, which was beating ridiculously fast. He knew then that, yes, he loved her. _Spirits save him,_ did he love her. Come what may.

Anderson clapped his shoulder, then Alenko's, standing companionably with them as Shepard swaggered with a limped in their direction.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

Garrus found her sitting on some rubble in the Presidium, eating a sandwich of all things, staring intently a patch of ground in front of her. There was the corpse of a husk nearby, smoldering gently. Guess the cleanup crews haven't gotten to this part of the park yet. Her face broke into a crooked smile when she saw him approach. All these new expressions on her face he treasured, knowing that he had some small part in helping her find them again.

Wordlessly, he sat down next to her. They sat in comfortable silence for a long time, the only sound being her absentminded chewing beside him. Finally, she gestured to the area she was staring at, "They're going to build a memorial there. For Ash."

"Is it going to be a big plaque that says 'I hate aliens'?" He teased gently. Shepard laughed softly, a low chuckle. "Maybe a pic of her, too. Arms crossed, frowning that frown she perfected? You know the one I mean. It was like two parts anger, one part sarcasm with dash of bafflement."

"Garrus, sometimes I think you like to hear yourself talk." She smiled warmly at him, tossing aside the leftover crust and rubbing her hands together to shake off any crumbs, "Anderson says it's going to be something to do with poetry and sacrifice. Two things that go hand in hand, occasionally. Even if it only means I have to sacrifice some of my time to listen to some poetry. Dedication is scheduled for 6 months from now."

"That's...nice." The tone of his voice spoke of their mutual agreement that nice meant woefullly inadequate in this instance. Reparations for the weight of Ashley's sacrifice could never be balanced out with some graven image, some token reference that would soon lose meaning to anyone who didn't know the woman in life. "So...what now?"

She barked a laugh, "Now, Garrus Vakarian, you take a walk with me."

Shepard stood, stretching stiffly, favoring one leg just a little. Garrus found he didn't like to be reminded of her mortality. He mirrored her stroll, hands clasped loosely behind their backs, casually strolling through the Presidium as though there weren't flaming bits of debris littering the sidewalk. He looked sidelong at her, trying to figure out what to say. "Sooo...the council seemed grateful. Bet they don't like owing you any favors."

She winced, recollection of their trite words making her frown in consternation, "I don't make it a habit to let people dismiss me, and now I've gone and let it happen twice. Must be slipping."

"Yeah, you're getting real sloppy," Garrus quipped, "I have a feeling that they're suddenly going to catch a bad case of forgetfulness as soon as you're gone."

And there it was, the thing that they both knew was going to happen. Only now she knew that he knew that he wasn't going with her. She faltered in her steps, biting the edge of her lip. _Spirits, this is hard. I almost feel bad that I can read her so well now. Hell, but it's the only logical thing that could happen. And I'll do anything to make it so she doesn't have to say the words, to ask me to leave._

Voice thick with emotion, she said, "Keep the torch lit here for us. Don't let them forget. I know how...persistent you can be."

They had reached the elevator to the space docks, where the Normandy was getting ready to get under way. He turned to her when the doors closed, "I will. I won't let you down."

"C-Sec better know what they're gaining..."_ because she knew damn well what she was losing_, He watched her swallow the words back. Spirits, this was tearing his heart into little pieces. He walked her backwards to the wall of the elevator, pinning her there, his hands planted on the cool surface of the lift framing her. He couldn't stand to touch her now, if he did he wouldn't let her leave. Her eyes were huge in her face, drinking him in. They got as close as they could in full armor. Her lips fluttered along his mouthplates, her hands under his fringe and he just closed his eyes, enjoying this bittersweet pain. Suddenly, she pulled savagely at his cowl, banging their chestplates together, whispering hoarsely, savagely, "You get better, Garrus. And stronger, for all of us. You are my rock and I need you."

His eyes were riveted to her as she ducked beneath his arm and through the open elevator doors, turning back to him with tears in her eyes and happiness suffusing her face, her voice rang out before the doors closed, "And when the Normandy calls, you come home."

Numbly, he realized that he now held an OSD. She must have slipped it into his hand while they were-no, he'd remember that later when it wasn't so immediate, so he could recall it fondly. But he couldn't stop himself from plugging in the OSD right now. It was as good a time as any.

As the first notes rolled over him, he felt his knees go weak. The music filled him with love and sadness, squeezing his heart in a crushing grip. His mother's song, and yet it was so much more. It brought to mind his mother meandering through the house, the sureness in her hands, the straightness of her back, filled with pride for all of them. Her spirit as it used to be were painted in every trill and scaling harmony. There was a sound reminiscent of turian flanging in there and it moved to turian rhythms, echoing the beating of his three chambered heart.

He couldn't move, who could even think of it in the face of that. Was this what she had been doing on that day that seemed a lifetime ago, in the mako, when he'd thought her crazed? He was humbled all over again. What wonders she could have created if she had gone to that earth school, Julliard. Prodigy wasn't a word he'd ever had to use in regards to anyone he knew personally.

He felt a pang of misery then, for the loss the galaxy suffered when those slavers decided to target a small human colony in the ass end of nowhere. His heart thudded painfully, thinking of the consequences had they not done so. No further proof of providence needed. Only Shepard could have accomplished all this, without her they, and every sentient being, would have died, the Reapers free to reap. She made herself into a sword because the galaxy didn't need a prodigy, as the galaxy made abundantly clear to her at an early age.

She had faith in him, shared her light with him and he would do everything in his power to honor the promise of her faith. Work hard to be worthy so that one day he could be strong for her, be at her side and watch her back, because not a single being in the whole damned galaxy deserved it more.

So Garrus would wait, forever if need be, knowing she'll come for him someday.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

But she didn't. And wouldn't. Ever.

It had all gone so horribly wrong.

He stood in the rain as they laid the empty casket in the earth. They didn't even find her body. He knew he should feel something, pain, or rage. Rage'd be good. He could do with some rage right about now. Mostly, he was numb. Empty. Rain ran down his face and dripped into his hard suit. He wondered if this is what it felt like to weep. Not cathartic at all when it's not real.

He'd put the OSD with her family on it in the casket. They'd all put something in there. He could feel the pressure of their presences around him, but they were just shadows. Councillor Anderson read the eulogy, empty, flowery words to assuage the many reporters that showed up with their cameras and microphones. With words like 'savior' and 'hero' in it, bitterly, Garrus thought Shepard was the one who needed saving, there was no one watching her back to make sure she was alright. She was the only one worth saving. He felt a tiny flush of shame at the thought.

They let Kaiden shovel the first turn of dirt in the hole. Garrus didn't feel anything, she's not even in there. Symbolically, she was, maybe that was all she was to all of them. He didn't even know anymore. They left her nothing of herself, not even a legacy. He could already feel them drawing away from each other, cutting loose from her and the thing they had all sweat blood to accomplish. And he couldn't even feel enough to give a damn.

He wandered around Earth for a few hours, they'd buried her in some military cemetery in a place called Pendleton. A marine base, he was told. He wondered if she ever even set foot here. If she would have liked to be buried with soldiers or with her family on Mindoir. As dusk fell, he found himself drawn inexorably back to her grave. He didn't know where else to go.

He stood looking at the simple headstone they had carved for her, reading it over and over again. He bent to feel the fresh earth over her grave, trying to find some connection. There was just nothing for it, he supposed, reaching up to scratch his fringe. For the first time since setting foot on this planet, he spoke, "Uh, Jane..."

He swallowed before continuing, this just still felt so wrong, he shouldn't be here looking at Shepard's grave. She shouldn't be dead, "Was this part of the plan, Jane? Cause if you're faking, then I need you to pop up and say just kidding. Please? Spirits, you always were the most infuriating woman."

"I gave your song to my mother. She loved it, I could tell by the look in her eyes. I never said thank you for it. Well...thank you." He felt silly, talking to an empty grave, so he plopped down in the shade of a nearby tree, closing his eyes. He figured that wherever she was she would be able to hear him, "You were right, by the way. You'd been out in the Terminus for not even a week before they started downplaying the Reaper threat. You always were three steps ahead of everyone else. I tried so hard, Shepard, but I was just one voice shouting in a crowd of shouters. And then when you...died, it was like nothing you did mattered to anyone any more. I think they were relieved you were dead. If I could feel anything, I would hate them for that.

"A week from now, I would have been a Spectre, but I can't...do that now. Work for the same selfish assholes who killed someone I...admire. I think a newly minted Spectre murdering the council would be generally frowned upon, don't you?" He pinched the bridge of his nose, he felt a weak flame of anger flicker in his chest, then guilt when he realized who he was angry at, "You promised, Jane. You promised to come get me and now I'm all alone and I don't know what to do. You promised..."

He allowed himself this anger, almost petulantly, even though he knew how unfair it was. It felt good to feel something and he was tired of fighting. A shadow fell across his face and he opened his eyes. A familiar human face smiled grimly down at him...Anderson, saying, "I was wondering when you'd show up."

Anderson handed him a bottle from the brown bag he was carrying. Garrus tilted his head as the man sat next to him. Anderson popped the top of his bottle, "Don't worry, it's dextro-friendly. Tastes like ass, but it gets the job done. Anything to wash the taste of ashes out of my mouth."

Garrus gulped down the rancid liquid, relishing the burn as it rolled down his throat into his stomach. They drank in silence for a time. Anderson kicked off his shoes and socks, curling his toes in the grass, "Hell of a thing."

"Mmmm." Garrus replied, noncommitally. He watched those curious human feet for a moment before knocking back the remainder of his bottle. Anderson handed him another, "Service was nice."

"No it wasn't." Came the sharp rejoinder as Anderson scrubbed at his chin. There was silence again, each man painfully aware of the void in both their lives, "I wanted to thank you, Garrus."

"Why?" It came out bitter, but Garrus just couldn't bite it back.

"You know why. She was nearly a whole person at the end. Saner than I ever remember her being. Who should I thank for that, Alenko? You and I both know he doesn't have it in him to be what she needed." Anderson sighed, deeply, "Trust broken is hard as hell to regain. And all our hopes rested on those tiny shoulders. I saw so much potential in that broken little girl and I'm damned for the things I did to push her in the right direction."

Garrus absorbed the words like a sponge, the burn of the alcohol pleasant as it spread to his extremities. He watched the setting sun, thinking that he would have loved to watch it with her. And that just set off another round of pain, anger and guilt. For a moment, he smelled the soap she used to wash her hair. He looked around sharply before settling back against the tree.

"Oh, but she got me back, yes she did._ Councillor_ Anderson. She volunteered me for it. How could I say no. I started out to use her and she ended up using me. She was one smart cookie." Anderson turned to look at him soberly, "She started writing music again, did she tell you?"

"Ah, no, I couldn't-we didn't-" Flustered, he stopped. Anderson patted his hand in understanding.

"3 piano concertos and the beginnings of a symphony. She sent them to me. Look." He pulled up some files on his omnitool. It looked like pages and pages, all with lines set in blocks of two sets of five, black dots and lines and squiggles flowed over them dizzyingly. "Any idea what this means?"

Anderson pointed out the title of one of the shorter pieces, which Garrus read aloud, "Rachni Queen in A minor...They, uh, the rachni, communicate through song."

"Huh...fancy that." Anderson snorted, looking at him askance, not quite willing to call him a liar. "Any idea what she might want done with them?"

"Uh, donate them maybe? To that school here on Earth. Julliard." Somehow, burying them in the dirt in front of them didn't seem proper and he was liking the idea of some piece of her floating around on the air, immortal...until the Reapers come._ Ugh_, he stifled that thought with another drink.

"Done. I'll keep it anonymous. No need to disturb the dead. She's done enough for them." Anderson waved his hand disgustedly, elegantly taking in the idiots running the damn galaxy. "Going back?"

"No." He clenched his hand tightly, palm aching where his talons cut in.

"Are you sure? You're a good man, Vakarian. God knows we need good men."

Garrus snorted, not good enough, "I can't. I'm...done with all that."

"Where will you go?" Anderson said quietly, taking a long draw from his bottle.

"Somewhere...I can find something worth doing." _Keep it vague, he doesn't get to manipulate you like he did her_, whispered an ugly little voice in him_. He's not allowed._

Anderson grunted as he stood up, he lay one careworn hand on Garrus' shoulder, "She saw a brilliance in you, son. Don't let her die completely. We need some light for the dark times ahead. Keep the rest of what's in the bag, I think you need it more than me."

With that he walked away, leaving the turian to his thoughts in the shade of a tree millions of light years from home.


End file.
